They say you’re too much because they’re not enough.

A Summer Solstice Reflection about music, books, cultur3 idk

This has nothing to do with plants, and everything to do with growth.

This past Friday was my birthday, and also the Summer Solstice. My birthday falling on the first days of summer didn’t initially mean much to me until the last few years but I understand why this season creates so much growth, change and honestly a little chaotic energy for me…

Some pictures here… PS. Stay tuned for my new endeavor GRDN Spac3.

agathatisabel

A post shared by @agathatisabel

Without fail, usually around this time I ended up fully intertwined in changes, usually three big changes: A move, a new career, new relationships, or something of the likes. Like Julia Fox’s “Down the Drain” the memories, learnings and changes come faster and faster (no pun intended).

… the changes come at an intersection of growth, and purging what is no longer good for you. For me, these are things that matter the most and creates the most stability ~ something I both love and hate because I didn’t have much of it growing up… I need constant stimulation, recreation, evolution or I literally lose all feeling, but this can be a lot for most people. A normal “purge” I do is the people that take up more energy from me than they give. I’ve always been someone that tends to give too much because honestly, I didn’t really have many people to give it to or get it from when I was younger. Now I’ve learned.

This reflection also comes at a time where I was honestly bored, but not in the sense of not having anything to do but in understanding my larger purpose…. I was just so so bored of what my life had become because I was trying to fit into other people’s definition of growth.

Sure, I broke a few bones, sure I had just written a book and went on a self promoted tour, but damn you know what was boring about it? It made me slow down. I physically could not take risks… i thought it was me until i read a recent article about our current “pop stars” and how they are just oh so BORING. I felt this entirely and I am starting to realize its because pop artists were the most exciting universal thing of our time….. until as of recent our energies are focused on openly misogynistic political candidates, literal genocide and the impending doom of capitalism….. music used to be an escape until it could not be because it was just so damn boring….

Fast forward to spring of this year which was filled with some crazy bullsh*t y’all but you’ll need to wait for the memoir for more that….. and I was like you know what. Let me create some bliss through ignorance and pop music - I was tired of having only deep conversations I wanted some stupid mind numbing light hearted things to talk about…. *queue pop music* I was really wishing for ways to connect thru music and thank god we got some bangers this summer…. Let me share with you my new fav playlist as of late:

I am connecting more and more with women who are becoming popular for breaking the ideas of conformity and honestly, pop music has me feeling pretty good these days.

1. Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter
   I have no idea where this song came from but I am obsessed. I am also pretty sure the universe is trying to mock me with weird connections I’m having to this….

Weird facts about me 1) I have a coffee allergy 2) I used to have a jet-skii I would ride in castaic lake [bootleg CA lake como] 3) I have an aversion to overly “attractive” men… if it’s too good to be true, it aint. I have no idea who this woman is but she managed to fit all of those things into this song.

2. 360 by Charli XCX [lets face it .. the whole Brat album]
   I’m so proud of Charli… I remember listening to her in 2013 (?) wondering why she wasnt better known. I remember thinking she must have been the biggest f*ck girl and then finding out she had been in a relationship with the same dude for 7 years and I was truly baffled. Well anyways, this entire album is a banger.
   
   I also made the DJ at my birffday play this record pretty much from start to finish which completely makes having a DJ pointless but anyways….

Say it with me: THAT CITY SEWER SLUTS THE VIBE [I have no idea]

3. Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan… or anything by her tbh
   I’m going to bet on it now…. whoever the presidential candidate of lesser evils is or whoever ends up getting a democratic norm is going to use Chappell Roan as their theme song/muse/mistress. This presidential election will be won by making the closeted housewives of the midwest turning their vote the other way….quote me CNN.

I was starting to feel helpless, hopeless about this summer… my 32nd year of life until I listen, reflected and realized some bad bs are overdue to emerge and take over…. I’m hoping I’m one of them <3

Queue that deep aspects of this reflection *lol*:

….while listening to this playlist, I was also working on writing my memoir [product placement yes i’m doing it] and I had a flashback to when this dude I was seeing when I first moved out west broke it off with me saying, “I was too much”. I was ofc offended cause like…what does that even mean? (Oh it was projection bc at the time) He said I had too much going on… I was working on myself, my anti-parentification, my book, my small business and buying my first house…. so yeah, if working on yourself and making your dreams are a lot, then I am TOO DAMN MUCH, because well.. he was just not enough (also disappointing bc i just wanted a lil FWB but ofc these ppl gotta catch feelings and make them your gf/bf/partner and create all kinds of problems)…. well anyways, if you’ve learned anything through reading this reflection its that women are a lot bc we have to make up for the shortcomings of others (men), and continuously fighting the *queue full circle* openly misogynistic political candidates, literal genocide and the impending doom of capitalism.

Happy Solstice… I hope this new season and full moon inspire you rebirth and relationship with the natural world, and allow yourself to be all that you are / cut all the things out of your life that tell you you’re too much, not enough, or not the vibe you want to carry and grow with…

<3 Agatha

What are your thoughts? Also, what are yall listening to these days I need to know. I’m trying to keep it together but we’re also in Cancer season…..